Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
