i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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