we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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