i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
what day is it and did you see me today?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
