Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
