I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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