He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
did you just send me my own nude
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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