I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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