whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
