The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
