Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
