Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
