dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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