The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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