laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
As shirtless as possible
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize