Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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