Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
