Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize