someone get that fucking seahorse.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
