fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
We need to rekindle our bromance
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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