Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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