if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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