In the future we'll all be gay
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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