Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
