Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
