Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
