awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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