1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
