In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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