I'm laying in your front yard are you home
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
do nipples grow back?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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