As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
