She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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