How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
