This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
