I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize