I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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