I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize