You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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