Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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