We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
