Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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