does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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