Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I can feel your judgement through the phone
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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