That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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