YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
