using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize