He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
