I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
