you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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