How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize