haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
