Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
