Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
