the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
