put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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