Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
