My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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