***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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