The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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