you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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