You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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