Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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