We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize