So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
