i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
