Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
