Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
