what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Found your dick twin last night
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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