I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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