Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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