I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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