I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i just sent this text using only my big toe
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize