I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
