I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
