I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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