Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize