I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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